I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said I’m going to sit down and write and couldn’t. I would start and erase it, thinking it wasn’t good enough to share, that nobody cared or that I was complaining too much. I think it’s really challenging to share things as you’re experiencing them. It’s easier to say you’ve gone through something hard and here’s how you fearlessly faced it and this was the outcome and lesson. It takes being super vulnerable to be open and remain open. I started this blog as a way to be engaged with my students more. To share a bit deeper than the small talk before and after class. I never wanted to be someone people looked up to. Especially in yoga! I’m actually pretty shy and quiet, though my friends would say otherwise… I think I overcompensate sometimes ha. People look at Yoga Teachers like they’re all Zen, Namaste, pooping rainbows and glitter every day. They float into class without a care in the world, maybe posting inspirational bs on social media accompanied by pictures in unrealistic poses. That’s not the case, I promise. I think it’s really important to break any stereotype that teachers have to be some type of way. Every day I get to practice what I preach. When you know better, it's your obligation to do better. The last few months I’ve been reminded of some great things as I faced seemingly endless challenges. I’ve had to be fearless in the pursuit of what sets my soul on fire. Trusting that the Universe will provide because there’s an abundance, right?!? And getting REAL specific on what it is that I want. Remembering if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hard no! The answers are in stillness. Trusting that voice that comes up, even when it doesn’t make sense at the time or sounds scary or really is just not what you wanted; listening. Coming from a place of Love. Even when someone crosses you sideways and you’re ready to go 0-100, real quick…real f’ing quick. Pausing. Taking in a few yoga breaths. Knowing that they’re reflecting some kind of pain they’re experiencing your direction and going back to The Four Agreements, you can’t take anything personally. Whew, it’s a practice. Every.Damn.Day. The last few months have really felt like a full circle of events for me (finding myself working in the running community again, my first love) and a closing of some chapters (my teacher, Joseph Stingley, retiring.) I’ve wanted to run away and have someone save me but at the end of the day, I’m forced to grow. Embracing the sway that happens… (Thanks, Eli!) I didn’t get where I am because things worked out according to plan. Life got really messy and I felt suffocated at times. Like I wouldn’t make it through the day with the pain I was feeling. Things felt like they were falling apart, and still do some days! I’ve seen miracles and trust I will continue. Someone jokingly said that it’s like I have a direct line with God and my prayers. It’s true though. I pray with purpose and I get real specific. I also am very mindful with my words. I use to say all the time that my life was a hot mess, putting that vibration out there. I’m telling you, your words are spells. What are you speaking into existence? When you are open and vulnerable, you allow others to be.
As we near the end of the year, I invite you to revisit your word of the year for 2019. How did it show up for you? I asked someone the other day at lunch what their word of the year was after listening to their recent challenges. Warrior. And this is what the challenges were making her. She laughed and saw where I was going. I asked to be engaged and gave it a few areas I’d like to see it manifest. I asked to be engaged with my students more, Universe said I got you. I roll deep with my yoga sisters too, no mean girls in this squad. I asked to be engaged in uncomfortable and sometimes controversial conversations... the Universe said here are these opportunities for you to uncomfortably speak YOUR truth. I asked to be engaged with a partner in life, the Universe said you have to leave the house haha. What's next for 2020? Your goals? Your word of the year? Let's get some vision boards going and maybe some sound baths with my friend Kenny before we wrap this year up. See you soon!